What if…holiday haikus pt. 2?

I regret to inform you I have watched more of these movies

Hello!

Here’s your next batch of nonsense poetry.

An aside: Hallmark accidentally made a very solid romcom called Round and Round this year. It’s still classically G-rated, but what a gift when your preferred holiday garbage content contains some actual jokes and a charming little script.

Alright, let’s get into it. If you want more info/thoughts on these, my Letterboxd is here.

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Discovery+

Designing Christmas (2022)

Salmon in aspic

Justice for OG woodwork

Flip or flop or fuck

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Hallmark

Five Star Christmas (2020)

Birth control, try it

Trust Bea for best B & Bs

People should sing less

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Hallmark

Round and Round (2023)

Snafus a million

Girlfriend, boy-, I’m hip to that

Looks like Sam Ronson

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Hallmark

The Holiday Sitter (2022)

All men look the same

The suburbs are confusing

Kooky slapstick eyes

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Lifetime

The Spirit of Christmas (2015)

First scene, a murder

My phone, my special device

Hungry, hungry ghost

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Hallmark

Boyfriends of Christmas Past (2021)

Girlie is clueless

Ugh, not pineapple discourse

Hottest Hallmark hunk

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Holiday Hotline (2023)

Turkey, for Christmas?

George Santos / Steve Buschemi 

Sponsored by Daisy

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An Unexpected Christmas (2021)

Real curl pattern rep

Poor me, my girlfriend is smart

Not sure that’s a hook

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• Not yet catching the case of COVID my partner has in the other room (famous last words). If I succumb, there will either be 100 more of these next week or zero. Truly could go either way.