What if...wait, but what is?

Time to destroy that inner gatekeeper so I can write the Scrub Mommy x Real Housewives fanfic of my dreams!

Hi!

I’m happy you’re here. I’m happy I’m here. What follows is an abridged conversation I had with myself about starting this silly little project. It’s me pitching me on what will surely be the most absurd content I’ll ever produce and share outside of group texts with the weirdest, best people I know.

me, me, and also me

What if…wait, what is what if?

Okay, so what if you had a place to explore idea nubbins without being bound by a specific format, schedule, tone, or even media? What if you embraced the work-in-progress and shared absurdity under the framework that perfection is useless? What if you had a place to make stuff for you and your internet pals that is not beholden to increasingly nefarious and hellscape-y social platforms? What if it were an off-ramp for the habits of creation that are not serving you? What if it were all about embracing the fucking around with less emphasis on the finding out? 

What if this is not an original idea? 

It’s not! But that’s okay. In fact, that’s a good thing. This isn’t some precious idea to gatekeep and girl boss into an empire. It’s a project rooted in not just exploration as a practice but in exploration as a means of connection.

What if burnout?

Already there, so it’s fine. Your entire personality is “assigning yourself homework,” so may as well make that homework purely joyful. Plus, you’re not fixing the systemic issues that cause burnout alone, and you usually find energy in making silly shit for you and your friends, talking about silly shit with your friends, silly shit in general, etc.

What if no one subscribes?

You have at least 4.5 family members and 5.4 friends. Maybe you’ll make more. Plus, if no one reads it, you can go even weirder. 

What if people do subscribe?

Even more mortifying!!!! But that’s a problem for future you. If you must flail, at least do it in the present.

What if you run out of ideas?

You’re writing this in a document that already has:

• What if…VeggieTales + rumspringa? 

• What if…you tried every snack whose flavor is another different brand of snack? 

• What if…the bro from My Lottery Dream Home were actually doing an elaborate sartorial long con?

• What if…cats had their own units of measurement and time?

• What if…you looked up who was on TRL 20 years ago today?

• What if…red pepper flakes, but smaller? 

• What if…you went through and titled every “Untitled” piece at LACMA?

• What if…Scrub Mommy auditioned for a Real Housewives franchise?

• What if…a playlist of every song that influenced the musician inside the oven, best known for the one-hit-wonder “doodly doodle da doo preheation complete?”

And those are just from 2.3 minutes of thinking instead of scrolling your way toward brain rot, so it will probably be fine! Plus: What if, brain empty → crowdsource?

What if no one cares? What if this is stupid? What if it’s not? What if you can’t figure out how to execute it? What i—

GOOD WORK. A+. THAT IS THE WHOLE POINT, OLIVIA. Now get on with it already. Those neighborhood cats aren’t gonna make a map of the best spots to pspspsps them on their own. 💅