What if…another unhinged little gift guide for people who hate buying “stuff?”
The second annual "no discount codes, no corporations" list o' ideas!
Hello!
Greetings from capitalist hell season! I am back with another year of gift ideas that are either free, made by someone I know, or aligned with values I hold—like giving my money to regular people trying to survive vs. corporate billionaires whenever possible.
So, before I go on a rant about the Kardashian industrial complex, let’s get into it!
Astrology or Tarot Reading
A while back, I got an astrology reading from Kiana (@devinelygemini), and it was incredible. I am (or I was) the only astro philistine amongst my friends, but I loved learning more about my chart—and astrology generally—than the Co-Star girlies ever could (that app is just AI hidden by competent design, y’all!). A full list of Kiana’s services is here, and her booking form is here.
Libby Lessons
Do you have an avid reader in your life who does not currently use Libby? Fix that! Like literally install it in their phone or iPad and connect their library card—get them one if necessary!—then also connect their reading device. If you go this route, it could also be cute to play book concierge for them if you read a lot and are even remotely familiar with their taste.
STATION*RY Riso Printed 2024 Calendar
There’s surely someone in your life who yearns for a paper calendar, and this one comes with stickers! I also have this hand-bound journal and it is very cute, very robust.
Ideas/Suggestions
Yeah, yeah, I recognize it sounds unhinged that one of my gift ideas is “ideas.” But I am willing to bet there is at least one person in your life who hates making small decisions. The most classic example I can think of is, “What do you want to have for dinner tonight?” (I’m itchy just thinking about it because I am indeed this kind of bad decision-making person.) But maybe you could try out being the person who instead does a fridge inventory and/or a Google and suggests 1-3 options tailored to your loved one’s weird little preferences. If you wanna get real creative, you could make some flavor of cards or a game or whatever. Options are endless.
Very Best Cookie In The Whole Wide World
Very obnoxiously named, but genuinely great cookies and other treats. They freeze well, and I’m yet to try something I don’t love.
A Niche Publication
Skip the racist Goodreads Best Of 2023 list and get weird with it. I guarantee you can find a lesser-known book (or zine) for any interest or obsession. Go see your local independent bookseller and ask them for recos! Peruse the shelves of Quimby’s for zines! And if your loved one happens to be into cultural criticism and any flavor of reality TV, you already know what you should get them 💅.
Fully Planned Surprise Day
This can be very low-key, but the goal is to plan a day, or at least several hours, of your loved ones’ favorite stuff. A good formula is: meal or snack + activity/area to wander (repeat as necessary). I recommend putting your mystery day on the calendar with them at least a week in advance to build *suspense.*
Portrait Session
If you live in LA and have the kind of pet who can travel without losing their mind, these are not cheap, but holy shit, are they immaculate. If you’re anywhere near Chicago, Leah Wendzinski is the way to go. Otherwise, ask around and find the local portrait photographer who’s gonna be down to showcase whatever kind of weird you are.
Closet Clean-Out Assistance
Doing this sucks, and it’s way easier if you have a tough love buddy there who’s going to be real with you about how likely you really are to wear those coated jeans from 2015 ever again. You could even try the Allison Bornstein method if you’re unsure where to start helping. Her new book could be a fun little add-on if you think your loved one would be into it.
Trans Santa
Lots of options for directly/anonymously buying gifts for trans youth in need! If you click “Table” here, you can see the oldest posts with the least donated. If you’re overwhelmed by looking through registries, you can also just directly donate to Trans Santa year-round!
Everything I Reco’d Last Year
The Butt Calendar is no longer available, but all the other stuff I still stand by:
Getting swole for the purpose of assisting
Anything from Bob Baker Marionette Theater
Love letters
A tattoo (or money for one)
Doing the most hated chores or fixing a small household annoyance
A new smell
Free childcare
A class that is wholly unrelated to professional development
Tracking down niche stuff on eBay
This newsletter brought to you by:
Multiple trips to behemoth grocery stores in Green Bay, Wisconsin.
An ungodly amount of Hallmark holiday movies. (Yes, haiku reviews will be returning shortly. Apologies in advance if you are a hater! 😈)
One year, I knew I wanted to get a new tv for my living room. I'm a maximizer so I have to examine every option and choose the best one whenever I make a decision. While the thoroughness is great, it's also exhausting. I asked my partner to pick a tv for me. I didn't want him to pay for it; the gift would be making the decision. He picked one, I ordered it during Black Friday, and I could not be happier with my tv and not having to make decision myself. I highly endorse this gift for the maximizers in your life!